Throughout my adult life I have struggled with relationships. Personal, professional, and even casual.
On many occasions there were opportunities to work with counselors and therapists in an effort to discover the reason for the conflicts I encountered, and to discover strategies for avoiding them the next time.
Invariably, the efforts were fruitless. Diagnosis was inconsistent, and often contradictory, and the suggested solutions ranged from ineffective to impossible. Meanwhile, the path of my life continued to be littered with failure and distress.
The breakthrough came in November, 2016, with a diagnosis that perfectly described my history, explained my challenges, and offered a tangible solution. It also resolved a question that had plagued me for much of my life. Why does no one know what’s happening to me? The answer was that, until a few years ago, no one could know. That’s when the idea that a slightly different form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) could be responsible.
As I began to excitedly embraced this new information, and began working with a therapist that specializes in Complex-PTSD, I realized that it would be a complicated and messy path to improvement. Part of my roadmap includes learning about this disorder, journaling, and coming to terms with my past. Rather than scribbling my thoughts away into a paper notebook, I elected to use an online format – this Website – as the repository of my recovery materials.
This site is not intended to serve as an album I share with my acquaintances, rather, it’s the equivalent of articulating some personal vulnerability with a stranger on a plane. It feels safer, I’m able to share my most guarded thoughts and experiences, and just maybe, it could help another person to discover an answer to their conflicts.